


What Lies within Jesse

by jessebluesky



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anger, Cheating, F/M, Hatred, Love, Money, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:19:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessebluesky/pseuds/jessebluesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starts off slightly before Breaking Bad. Natasha Williams is a drug dealer and a waitress, and she's fallen hard for Jesse Pinkman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

O/C female.

Name:  Natasha Williams

Occupation: Waitress/ Drug Dealer

Age: 24

Race: Caucasion

Hair: Naturally blonde, but dyed auburn. 

Eyes: Brown

Piercings: Lip rings, nose, eyebrow. 

Tattoos: Paw print on wrist. 

Glasses: None 

Height: 5'1 

Weight: 120 lbs

Chapter 1

The sun is setting in the hazy New Mexico sky. My ears are filled with the music in my car, and my nostrils smell my cigarette smoke. I flick the ash away, and pitch the smoke out of the window slowly exhaling the last drag. I see the car I was waiting for roll to a stop so I get out. 

"Hey Badger, what's good?" I ask as I fist pump him. 

"Hey Tash, you wanna come inside and hang out?" Badger replies. 

"Yeah, that'd be cool, I got what I owe you." I go to pull an enevelope out but Badger stops me. 

I follow him inside, and we sit down on the couch. I pull out the envelope, and hand it to him. "It's all there, minus my cut. I'm starting to make enough that I may quit that shitty waitress job." I laugh. 

"Yeah, girl you sell fast, must be because you're a chick." 

"Or maybe because my boss is a huge meth head. So, we gonna game out or what?" I reach for a remote and wait for Badger to grab his. 

"You can, I'm waiting for a friend, he should be here soon or something." 

"Ou, do I know him?" 

"Maybe from like a party or something." There's a knock on the door, so I start playing, I pick my Soul Calibur character Nightmare, and get ready to kick some serious ass. I focus on the first round and then hear Badger and his friend talking. I glance away and holy hell his friend is hot. 

He's wearing clothes way too baggy for his body, has on a beanie, has the most absolute perfect blue eyes, and the facial expressions he makes are gorgeous. I hear the sound of my character dying, so I give up. 

"Yo Badger, who's your friend?" I ask, slightly nervously. 

"Oh this is Jesse, Jesse Pinkman. Jesse, this is Natasha Williams." Badger introduces us. 

"Yo, I remember you, from high school," Jesse's voice is very intriguing "Chemistry class, you always were messing around, and would throw paper balls at the nerds." 

I laugh, "Sounds like my teenage self." 

"You threw then at me all the time. That shit hurt my teenage feelings." I did remember him for school, I had the biggest crush on him, and wanted to get his attention. 

Badger interupts our reminiscing, "So, you guys wanna get high? Already got some shards in this pipe." 

I nod and sit next to Badger on the couch, and he passes me the pipe. I roll it around while lighting , and finally inhale. I feel the burn hit my throat, and the chemical taste assault my tongue. I blow out a big cloud of smoke, and feel the high kick off. 

"That's impressive yo." Jesse says, between lighting the pipe. 

"Thanks, this is some damn good meth." I reply with a smile. 

"It should be, I cooked it." I watch Jesse blow out his cloud, and find myself fixated on him. 

"We should totally order pizza and get drunk, then cause some chaos." Badger suggests.  

"I can get down with that, I'll order." I say, and Badger passes me his phone. 

I dial the number and wait. 

"Hi, will this be pick up, or delivery?" The dispatcher asks. 

"Delivery." 

"For Brandon Mayhew?" 

"Uh, one second." I cover the mouth piece and turn to Badger. "Who's Brandon Mayhew?" 

"That's me yo." 

"Always thought Badger was a weird name for a kid." I uncover the phone. "Yeah, to here. So can I get like a large triple bacon, with garlic bread, buffalo wings, and a Caesar salad. Oh and dipping sauces."

"Okay, it'll be there soon, thank you." 

I shove my phone into my pocket, and rest my hand on my lap. "Shit I didn't even ask what you two wanted. Hopefully this is cool." They both nod. Jesse lights up a cigarette and offers me one, I take it and start smoking. I lean my head on Badger because that's what friends do. 

"So, Natasha," Jesse starts, "What do you do for work and stuff?"

"Well, I help Badge here sling dope, and I've got this kinda shitty waitress job. There's this dude that constantly hits on me and grabs my ass. But he usually tips like ten bucks so there's that." I drag my cigarette, and exhale. "It's shit but it pays my half of the rent." 

"Half?" Jesse questions. 

"Yeah I live with this dude. We split rent, makes it cheaper." I definitely didn't want to tell Jesse about my boyfriend. 

 I start to scratch into my jeans, and I must be really high because I'm not feeling it.   
Jesse starts laughing for no reason and I cock an eyebrow. "That tickles." He says. I look down, notice that my hand is in fact on Jesse's leg, and pull it back like it's on fire. Way to be an absolute fuck up. 

"Oh my god, I am so sorry." I feel my face turning red. "Uh, I'm gonna go use the bathroom." I stand up, and make my way to the bathroom, trying not to trip over anything. I shut the door slowly. I sit on the toilet and my mind is racing. Almost four years of feelings are coming back to me, and that's not a good thing. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and roll my eyes. It's a text from Badger. 

"U like him, don't u?" 

Fucking Badger, reading me like a book. 

"Negative. Don't know why you'd say that." 

I drop my smoke in the toilet and flush it. 

"Bcuz I've seen u flirt. U flirted w/ me remember?" 

Christ. 

"Badge that was a drunken one night stand." 

Which was the biggest lie ever. 

"LOL whateva u say Tash." 

I leave the bathroom, and notice the foods arrived. I fill up a plate and start stuffing my face. Badger's staring at me with wide eyes. " What? I haven't eaten in like two days." I say through a mouth of chicken. I look at Jesse's plate and see that he's eaten more than me. "You ain't sayin anything about Jesse." 

"Jesse's a dude. You're a girl." Badger says through laughter. 

"You know I'm not girly. Stop trying to embarass me and eat your pizza all etiquette like." 

I finish off my plate and bring it to the sink, washing it, and my hands. I walk back to the couch and sit down. My phone starts ringing so I answer it. 

"Yo." 

"Don't you yo me. Where are you?" Great. It's Chris. The boyfriend. 

"I left you a note, I'm crashing at Jessica's house, we're having a girls night with wine and stuff." I roll my eyes. 

"I ain't seen no note. Before you have your fun I need a case of beer. As soon as possible." 

"Why don't you get your own damn beer for once." 

Badger pinches my neck, and I mutter out an ow, and pinch him back. 

"What you owing about." 

"Stubbed my toe. But yeah get your own beer. I ain't your slave." 

"You have my car." 

"Walk." 

"Natasha, get the damn beer you fucking cow." 

I hear the phone click and I grind my teeth. "I'll be back. Chris wants beer." I get off the couch and walk to the door. 

"Yo, I'll come with." Jesse says. 

"That's not a good idea, Chris doesn't like new people. I'll see you guys after." 

"Yeah Jesse, best you stay here." Badger adds. He knows some of my issues with Chris, but not all of them. I walk out to the car and start it up, I drive slowly, not wanting to deal with being at home, lately I've been doing everything in my power to avoid Chris. I pull into the liquor store, and grab a 24 case of beer, bringing it to the counter. I load up a basket with random bottles, and bring it up also. I look at the cashier, score, one of my best customers. I pay for the alcohol and he helps me carry it to my car. We exchange drugs for money and I leave. 

I pull into the driveway of the house I shared with Chris. My plan was to leave the beer on the porch, but he of course noticed me come outside.

"Get inside." Not like he had to tell me, he pushes me through the doorway, and I stumble inside. "Who are you with?" 

"What? I told you, I'm hanging with Jessica." 

"Yeah, that's why she called lookin for you eh?" 

Fuck. 

"I had errands to run, I forgot to text her." 

"An she told me you two ain't got no plans,so what's your deal. You with your meth head friend, what is it Rabbit again?" 

"Its Badger. And no we haven't chilled since you reamed him out. He wasn't even using. I'm hanging out with a new waitress,  who seems nice. I just didn't want you to freak. Anyways I'm gonna pack an over night back, as I forgot to earlier." 

I patter to the back of the house, stuffing a pair of shorts and a wife beater in a bag, and grabbing my travel toiletries. I spin around and am met with Chris. His stupid stained shirt, the smell of sweat and , and his stupid greasy hair and mustache. I pull my hair up into a pony tail and manage a "hey." 

I'm greeted by a hand being wrapped around my neck. "What is that?" He lets me go and points to the spot where Badger pinched me. 

"Nothing. I think I got bit by a bug." 

"Bugs don't leave hickies you slut. Who you cheating on me with now?" 

"I never cheat-" 

I hear the smack before I feel the pain of the punch. I'm knocked to the ground by the force of it, and can feel my nose dripping blood. I get up and dash past Chris, running out to my car, I start it up and speed off, crying as I do so.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two.

I can't believe I fucked myself this badly. Chris is gonna be pissed for a long time. My hands are shaking on the steering wheel, so I light a smoke, and focus on not driving off the road. I can feel a bruise starting to swell up under my eye, and on my nose. Fuck, this is gonna suck at work. Hopefully I can get good and drunk enough to ignore the eminent pain. I pull my car into Badger's driveway and wipe away the remnants of tears. 

I open the trunk and grab the box of bottles. I walk up to the door and kick it to knock. Badger pulls open the door and takes the booze from me. "Holy shit. Your face." He mumbles. He puts the booze in the kitchen, and we grab some bottles, shot glasses, cups, and mix. We bring the bottles into the living room and set them up. He pours us all a shot and a drink. 

I turn around and face Jesse, smiling at him. 

"Your eye, what happened?" Jesse says with a concerned tone to his voice. 

"Some bitch bottled me, some cracked up nhore. It's cool though, she got arrested. Don't worry, it's not as bad as it looks." I've gotten used to getting through my days with a bitch load of cover up, and ibuprofen. 

"Well, let's have a toast," Badger annouces, thankfully changing the subject. "To the re- re- to old friends connecting." 

I repeat what he says, and down the shot, followed by the drink. "I'm gonna get changed, I'll be back." I take my bag into the guest room, which I helped decorate. Badger and I have been friends since we were kids, so we're pretty damn close. After I pull of my top I notice Badger standing there. 

"Oh, hey Badge, what's up?" I pull on the tank top, and shimmy out of my jeans. 

"Did Chris do that to you?" I don't wanna tell Badger the truth, but I don't wanna lie either.

I pull up the shorts, thinking that I probably should have grabbed a longer pair, and pull my beanie, and hoodie back on. 

"Yup. Thinks I cheated on him. Obviously with you." I sit down on the bed, and open the dresser, reaching for the CD case that we store crushed up meth in. 

"I don't get it Tash. Just let me go beat him up, and throw him out of your home." Badger sits down next to me and pulls me into a hug. 

"You know I can't do that. If you do, I'll just get it worse. This is the last time I meet a guy online." I crack open the case, and sort out a line. "Besides, I can't risk you going to jail." I duck my head over the case and snort a line. I pass it to Badger and I feel like I got kicked in the face. Ah meth. What a fan fucking tastic drug. 

"I'd take that risk for you Tash. And besides you like Jesse, he'd be way better." 

"I don't like Jesse you silly Badger. I just find him, interesting." 

"Haha you like Jesse, I'm gonna tell him." 

Badger opens the door and leaves, and I chase after him. 

"Hey Jesse, Jesse." Badger calls out. 

"Badge shut your mouth." I try and jump up to shut Badger up but he's tall. So I kick him in the knee. "What   he was gonna say, is we should go out. Do something. You down?" 

"Hells yeah bitches." Jesse yells. "What are we gonna do, 'cause I could really go for spray painting something." 

"Yeah we could do that Jesse, and we could egg a place. That could be fun. Lemme just make a call." I say, pulling out my phone. I notice Chris texted, and I just ignore it. The call goes to voicemail. "Yo, Pete, it's Natasha, I'm with Badger and Pinkman. Come pick us up and we'll have a good night."

I sit down on the couch next to Jesse, and kick my feet up, lighting a smoke. I rub my eye and remember that it's swollen. I wince and pull my hand away. Odd how, regardless how often a certain pain can occur, the pain always seems to be there. Badger shoots me a dirty look, and I half smile in return. My brain has all sorts of thoughts, popping in and fizzing out. I get startled out of my thoughts by the door swinging open and Pete waltzing through. 

"Jesus dude, doors exist for a reason. You almost gave me heart.... Thingie." Badger exclaims. 

"Failure, Badger? Geez how do you get by. What up Pete? We gonna do this shit?" I ask while lifting myself up. I feel a little dizzy. The alcohol must be hitting. 

"Church yo. We're gonna get wild." Skinny says while doing an air drum. 

"Hey, back off bitch, drums were my thing in the day." Jesse says, flipping Skinny off. 

"Drums? You don't seem like the type to listen to drums?" I shoot Jesse a questioning glance. 

"Yeah, drums." Jesse air drums for effect, and I have to stifle a laugh. "Listened to them, loved them, and played them. We had a band, back in the day." 

"Yeah man Jesse was awesome, he was like mad beats all the time. I sung. I don't remember if Pete did anything." Badger adds. 

"Yknow I don't remember if I did anything either." Pete adds.

"Hey, how bout we get going guys? I'm itching to cause trouble." I cut in, knowing where a discussion about music can go with Badger and Pete. 

"Good idea. Shotgun!" Badger yells running out the door. 

"Dick." I mutter under my breath. We walk out to the car and I take the back seat, along with Jesse. Pete starts up the car and some old school rap starts to play. I bob my head to it, and take a drink of a bottle, passing it to Jesse. 

"So uh Tash we should like get together sometime. Get pizza or something, smoke a joint?" Jesse yells over the music. 

"Yeah man, that sounds good, I'm always down for pizza." I smile at Jesse and feel myself blushing. I feel bad for having these feelings again, especially with how long I've been with Chris. "Here let me put my number in your phone." Jesse hands me his phone and I enter my number and send myself a text. I give him his phone back and open mine saving his contact name as Jesse :). 

Pete pulls over. "This looks like a good spot." 

It does. We get out if the car and pull our spray painting stuff out. I get to work on a building with some gold paint, drawing some flowers, I finish up and walk over to Jesse who seems to have just finished spraying 'JP' on a telephone. 

 

"Nice, simple but artistic. I like it." I say, leaning on the phone. 

"Thanks, I used to do some drawings, they're kinda embarassing, but they're also at my parents place. We uh don't talk much." I couldn't help but stare at Jesse's lips when he talked. 

"Yeah, me neither. But it's for the best." I say, "So we should get out of here. Cops and all that jazz." 

Jesse nods and we start to walk to the car. 

"Natasha?" I hear a voice yell, and the clicking of high heels on the pavement. I spin around. 

"Sandra? What are you doing out here? You have a curfew." My step sister looks disheveled, her dress is hanging off her shoulders, her blonde hair is messy as fuck and she smells like cheap booze. "Are you drunk?" 

"I was only gonna have a couple, but then I stole the bottle and I ran and now I'm here." She says this all in one breath then pulls some vodka out of her purse. I snatch it from her hand. 

"You are fifteen years old Sandy. You are not drinking that shit in front of me. Go to the car, and maybe you can have it back." Sandra starts to stumble so I have to help her walk. I turn to Badger. "You remember where I used to live?" He nods, "Cool, give Pete the directions. We'll drop this little shit off and then continue our night." 

I open the back seat door and Sandra's in the middle, I squeeze in and buckle up. Jesse seems awkward at sitting beside her. Pete starts driving, turning down the music a little bit. I light a smoke up and pass it to Jesse, then light one for myself. I sigh at the irritation of having to yet again, deal with my shit head sister. 

"Gimme one of those Tasha." Sandy slurs. 

"Uh hell no." 

She leans forward. "Badger, can I have a smoke?" 

"You do as Tash says, so no." Badger never liked Sandy. 

"Pete, can you pull over?" I ask. He does so and I step out. "Jesse, join me." He gets out of the car and walks over to me. I'm lighting my meth pipe with my back to the car. I blow out the hit and pass it to Jesse. 

"You sure? With your sister around?" He asks. 

"She won't know what it is." I puff on my cig as Jesse takes a hit. 

"Yeah. I guess you're right." We get back into the car and Sandra is pulling a bottle away from her mouth. 

"You're such a shit. Whatever drink up, don't cry to me when you puke your guts up." I take the bottle from her, and take a drink myself. Ugh, tequila. 

Sandra leans into my ear and whispers. "Your friend is really sexy. Like really." 

I shove her away, "Jesse is also ten years older than you. Just shut up the rest of the ride." 

We drive for about 15 minutes, before reaching my parents house. I get out, and help Sandra. "Give me your key, we've gotta be as quick as possible and as quiet." 

She hands me the key and I open the front door. "Take your heels off and give them here." She does so and we begin moving through the house, I look at the photos on the walls, and none include me. Guess my parents don't wanna be reminded how much a fuck up their eldest daughter is. 

Suddenly a light goes on and my father's frame is visible from the top of the stairs. I drop the heels, luckily they land on carpet.

"Sandra! What the hell do you think you're doing out so late? Get to your room." His voice booms. I can hear her feet moving along. I'm in a corner of darkness, and hopefully my father doesn't notice me. I hold my breath in my chest. 

"Sorry dad. By the way, why don't you say hi to Tasha. Her friends drove me home." 

Damnit. I step into the light. 

"H-hey dad. It's been a while hasn't it?" I feel my heart beat quicken. 

"Who the fuck said you could come here? You know you're not allowed here." He yells, bounding down the stairs. 

"S-Sandra was drunk and I was just trying to make sure she got home safely. I was just trying to get her to her room." I can feel my voice breaking. 

"Was she now? I don't think there's any proof of that. I think you were just trying to sneak in here to rob us. Rob US for money for your drugs. Surprised you aren't dead like we thought you'd be." 

There's a lump in my throat that I feel I'm going to choke on. "Dad seriously? I don't need your money, I have a job, I'm just gonna go." 

My dad grabs my face. "Yeah look at that, I knew you were high, your pupils are huge, and your eyes are red, bags under your eyes." 

"I'm NOT high. Just let me go." I slap his hand away. 

"What is it now? Cocaine? You always loved that stuff. Oxys? Crack?" He was screaming now. I can't take it anymore. 

"Meth! You fucking asshole. Yeah, your already disappointed in daughter is a stupid junkie meth head. So you know what, fuck you!"I leave, slamming the door behind me. I jog to the car and get in slamming that door as well. Skinny speeds off as my dad had come running out the door screaming my name and all the terrible things he thinks of me. 

I light a cigarette shakily and draw on it. Jesse places a hand on my shoulder. I look at him with tears welled up in my eyes. 

"You okay?" He asks tenderly.

"I don't know Jesse. I hate my family. I've been on my own for almost ten years because they kicked me out as soon as they were able to. It was the drugs. They hated it. They wanted a perfect fucking princess. Instead they got junkie trash." 

"When did you start?" 

"When I was like thirteen. Some girl in the bathroom had coke, gave me some. I got hooked. Then I started using everything I could find. Aderall, percocets, oxys pretty much everything. Then when we were like eighteen or nineteen Badger and I had a mutual friend, can't remember his name. He busted out meth. That day was a great one. I just told my dad today how much of a fuck up I am. With the meth ." 

"You're not a fuck up. You're my Tashy Washy." Badger chimes in. 

"You call me that again, and I will shove a stick so far up your ass. You're lucky you're my homie." 

Badger laughs. I notice we're going the wrong way to Badger's house. 

"Uh where are we going?" I ask. 

"My place yo. It's bigger than Badger's. Plus I got some kick ass music we can listen to." Jesse says. 

"Cool. That'll work. Uhm is it cool if I crash on the couch or whatever, I forgot my keys and my boyfriend's asleep, I don't wanna wake him." My keys are in my bag, I just don't wanna go back to Chris. 

"Yeah it's cool, we can pull an all nighter or something." Jesse cracks a smile and I can't help but stare at it. The way it curves out more at one side. The slight dimples he gets. 

We pull into what I'd assume is Jesse's driveway and get out. He opens his door and lets us in. The place is pretty spacious. His decor is pretty off from what someone his age should have.  But other than that it's awesome. 

"Yo Pete, come help me in the kitchen bitch ." Jesse calls. I giggle and sit next to Badger on a couch. I kick my feet up on the table and take a drink of tequila. 

"Tasha make a move on him." Badger says.

"What? Dude I've known him like a day, not even. No way man." I light up a bowl and pass the pipe to Badger. 

"Dude he thinks you're totally bangin'," Badger says through a cloud of smoke. "Told us while you were at your parents place." 

"I'm not banging, I'm not even all that nice to look at. I don't know what someone like Jesse could see in me. Besides, I don't wanna seem like a ho." 

"You wouldn't. Jess told me he had a thing for you in high school, and I think he's got it again. Go for it." 

"I dunno dude. Maybe." 

Jesse and Pete come into the room with plates stacked with beers, and what I assume are margaritas. I stand up and grab one of each and start drinking. Jesse throws on a CD, an upbeat electronic song starts. I want to dance. I stand in front of Jesse and start dancing. I'm really bad at dancing but I really don't care. Jesse grabs my hips and I feel myself blushing again. 

I bite my lip and look up at Jesse. He's smiling and his gorgeous blue eyes are staring at my browns. I feel desire rare up in the pit of my stomach but have to fight it. I lean to the table and grab the tequila, downing some and passing the bottle to Jesse. He puts the bottle back and his hands slide down to my ass. I giggle. Badger comes behind me and wraps his hands around Jesse. 

"Dude, that's my ass. What the hell?" Jesse yells. 

"Sorry dude, its just so feminine. Plus your hands are occupying Tash's so it's only fair." Badger says ending with a laugh. 

Jesse goes red. 

"Badger get lost." I say. 

"Alright. Chill. Pete and I gotta hit it anyways. Enjoy your night love birds." Badger says. 

"Badger you dick." I say, pulling away from Jesse. I sit down on the couch and chug my drink. Damn Jesse makes a kick ass margarita. I light up a smoke and close my eyes and relax. I could definitely feel the booze and I like it. I feel a hand on my leg and I open my eyes. I look down and see Jesse's hand which gives me shivers. I put out my smoke. "So uh, what do you want to do?" 

"I think you have an idea of what I wanna do." 


	3. Chapter 3

"Not too good on the whole flirting shit are you? I ask ending with a giggle. "I mean, that wasn't very subtle. You obviously wanna fuck my brains out." 

"But if I did that like for real you'd die. Then I wouldn't get to again." 

"You're real great a smooth talk Jesse ." I feel my phone buzz, and look at the caller I.D. " Fuck. It's Chris. I gotta take this or he'll flip." I pull open my phone. "What do you want Chris?" 

"Baby I'm sorry. Can you come home?" His words are slurred and I can hear some trashy woman yelling in the background. 

"Why, so you and Wendy can try and share me, no fucking thanks. You're unbelievable, I allow you to have a Hooker and you fucking hit me because Badger fucking pinched me? What is wrong with you?" 

"He fucking hit you? That's what that is?" Jesse yells, standing up. 

"Not now Jesse." I say trying to stop him. I see him pull out his phone and text someone. 

"Who the fuck is Jesse?" I can picture the spit spraying from his mouth. "That another of your junkie friends Natasha? You're so lucky I didn't hit you harder." I can feel Jesse rubbing my leg and I want to finish this.

"Why did you call me dickhead?" 

"You need to buy groceries tomorrow when you come home. And they better be fucking good too." 

"I don't know if I will come home. I think we need to talk. I don't know if I can be with you. Whatever I'll buy your groceries, but then we need to talk. Bye Chris."  I can hear him yelling as I pull the phone away from my ear. 

"Why didn't you tell me he's abusive? I could have done something. Could have tried at least." Jesse says while brushing a strand of hair away from my face. 

I grab the bottle of tequila and take a drink, passing it to Jesse. "I know we went to high school together, but there are lots of thing you don't know about me. Things that might scare you away. But I don't wanna talk about that. I wanna do...things to you." I slide over on the couch next to Jesse.  I take in his smell, cologne, pot, and chemicals. It's a pretty nice combination. 

I look into his blue eyes, and feel like I could get lost in the ocean of them. I bite my lip, and lean into him. I brush my lips against his, feeling the softness of them. We start to slowly kiss, soft pecks at first, slowly working up to open mouthed. I bite down on him, enticing a soft moan, he brushes his tongue on my lip and I let him enter my mouth, we swirl our tongues around. Slowly I pull back. "Woah. That was like super hot." 

Jesse nods and kisses my neck , I feel his hand working the button on my jeans and I sharply inhale. I zip down his hoodie, and pull his shirt off, taking his hat with it. Jesse pulls back. "Hey that's not fair, you're more dressed than me." 

I shrug and tug off my shirt, tossing it aside, showing off my red lacy bra, high lighting my pale cleavage. I reach behind and unhook my bra, letting it fall to the floor. I wrap my arms around my chest, feeling a bit shy for the first time tonight.

"Hey, relax, it's okay, I won't bite. Unless you're uh into that." Jesse says with a smirk. 

I laugh and drop my arms. "Its just... I get self conscious of my body." 

Jesse leans into another kiss, lowering me down onto the couch slowly. He bites my lower lip and I rake my nails against his back. I can feel his bulge pressing into me and I fumble with his pants, before finally getting the button undone. I slide his pants off, and slide my hand under his boxers, gripping him and working him with my hand. With my other hand I undo my own jeans and wiggle out of them. Jesse starts pumping a finger in and out of me and I hear my breaths turn to moans. 

He stops, slowly lowering himself. I can feel his tip hovering over me. He finally sticks it in and I feel overcome with pleasure. "Fuck Jesse, you're so good" I sigh into his chest. He thrusts hard and I bite on his neck. His hands are all over me and I can feel the shared sweat between us.  I raise my arms up and wrap them around his neck, pulling him down into a kiss. I can taste cigarettes, tequila, and drugs and I love it. He moves his head down and bites my nipple. I grasp the couch and feel myself let go. When the shakes and extreme pleasure subside, I notice Jesse laying on top of me, panting. 

"Did you?" I manage to breathe out. 

"Yeah. That was fucking great." Jesse slowly pulls out of me, and slowly gets up, tossing me a tissue. 

"Thanks. Uh can I shower?" I ask, grabbing a smoke and lighting it. Jesse nods and I grab my clothes and phone, and find my way to the bathroom.

As I'm about to start the shower my phone buzzes, so I answer it. 

"Hello?" I question. 

"Hey babes, it's your favourite cousin." The voice answers. 

"Oh hey, Jane. It's like... Two in the morning, what's up?" I hear a knock at the door, and I open it, hiding my body behind the door. 

"Figured you could use a towel." Jesse says with a smirk. I take the towel and mumble a thanks, bringing the phone back to my ear. 

"Who was that Tash?" Jane squeals, "Are you at a dude's place?" 

"Uhm... No?" 

"You can't lie to me, c'mon details. Now." I could practically see Jane bursting with excitement. 

"Jane. It's nothing okay? I'm just hanging out with some friends. Look, I gotta go. I'll call you tomorrow." I hang up the phone before she could protest and jump in the shower. 

I let the steamy water envelope me, thinking about what just happened. Why would Jesse want me? I'm nothing special. Maybe I'm just over thinking thigs, he hooked up with chicks all the time in high school. But there's just something about him, that makes me want to get to know him better, to become a part of his life. 

I watch as the soapy water gets sucked down by the drain, and finally turn off the water. I towel off and pull on my clothes. I look at my face in the mirror, and it looks worse than earlier. The bruise is purple and black, and the cut on my nose looks worse. The bags under my eyes are heavy, from barely sleeping, due to Chris' drunken rages. I sigh and leave the bathroom, tossing my towel in a hamper outside. 

"Hey, Natasha, I'm in here." I her Jesse call from inside a room. I walk in and see him sitting in boxers with a bong between his legs. "Wanna bowl?" 

"Yeah that'd be cool." I say. Jesse packs the bowl, and I smoke it, savourig the skunky, stinky taste. I exhale and feel relaxed almost instantaneously. I pass him the bong back. "Look, Jesse, about tonight. Uhm, thanks for letting me crash here. I appreciate it, and I also appreciate the uh... Other thing." 

Jesse smiles at me. "You're welcome here whenever." 

"Wow jeez Jess, it was one time, am I that good?" I laugh. 

"Shut it." He responds with a grin. "You're just, cool. I like that. Anyways, we should probably get some sleep. I'm sure it's been a long day for us both." 

Jesse flicks off the lamp, and cuddles into me, and we nod off. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I wake up to the blaring of my alarm. I don't even work today, so I don't know why it's set. I grab my phone and realize it's not the alarm. Sighing I grab my phone and leave the room, gently closing the door behind me. 

"Yes Jane?" I huff. 

"Good morning. So, where are you? I can pick you up and we can get breakfast." Jane says in a way to happy voice.

"Jane..." I start. 

"No excuses, you've been blowing me off for weeks now. I'll pay as well." 

I feel my stomach rumble and decide to give in. "Fine. I'll text you the address, but then I need you to drop me off where I left my car." I hang up the phone and text Jesse's address to Jane. 

I find some paper and a pen and scrawl a note to Jesse. "Thanks again for last night, you'll see me again. -Tash" 

I grab my bag and gather up my stuff, shoving the drugs in the very bottom, I sit down and have a cigarette, enjoying how silent Jesse's house is. It's all interrupted by the sound of Jane's horn blaring. I leave the house, swinging the door closed behind me. I get into the car and smile at Jane. 

"Okay, couple things." She starts, brushing her black hair behind her ear. "One. The black eye, what the hell is that? Two where are your pants, you like never go out in shorts?" 

I sigh, pulling my jeans out of my bag and awkwardly tugging them on over the shorts. " Yeah I uhm, walked into a wall or something? I was really out of it last night." 

"Taaash." Jane scolds. 

"Look Jane you may be sober and all that, and good for you, but I'm not you okay? Now can we just drive in peace for once?"

Jane for once actually agrees with me, so the only thing that we hear during our drive is the soft rumbling of her engine. We eventually pull into the parking lot of some diner, and go inside. I shrug off my hoodie, and take off my hat. We look over the menu, and I order what seems filling enough. I sip my coffee, watching Jane. She seems so level headed, if not a bit annoying, these days. 

" So are you gonna tell me what happened?" She says after reapplying her red lipstick. 

"Fine." I say, rolling my eyes, although I am excited to talk to Jane." So, you remember Brandon right?" She nods. "Well, last night, we were hanging out, and a friend of his, Jesse..." 

"Are you talking about the one in high school? The one you used to major crush on?" 

I sigh. "Yes Jane. That Jesse. Anyways we all hung out then some stuff happened, just whatever stuff. And so we decided to crash at Jesse's place. Anyways the other guys take off. And we spent the night together." 

"You slept with him didn't you?" She says, bursting into a grin. 

"Shh Jane. Yeah I did, just don't fucking tell Chris ever. Okay? I'm thinking of leaving him anyways." I stir my tea, and feel myself blush. 

The waitress brings us our food. Jane has some oatmeal and a scrambled egg, and I have a loaded plate with bacon, sausage, fried eggs, potatoes, hash browns, and toast. I see Jane eyeing my plate. 

"Yes you can have some." I say, pushing the plate towards her. 

"Thanks." She stabs a sausage and shoves some into her mouth. " I'm glad you're leaving that douche bag. Never liked him. What are you gonna do for like, a place though? You could always move into my vacant apartment." She suggests. 

"Nah, it's cool dude. I've got money, I can figure it out. I'd rather like, a house y'know?" I poke at the potatoes before shoving some in my mouth and washing it down with tea. 

"Are you selling again Natasha?" She questions. 

"Yeah. Just keep it on the downlow okay? People don't need to know." I opened my phone and sent a quick text, pulling some money out, and placing it under a couple napkins. 

Jane raises her eyebrows at me. 

"Jane, just eat, please." We eat, and eventually a woman takes the money under the napkins, and a man drops a bag on the table, I quickly shove it into my bag, ignoring Jane's look of confusion. "Can we just go?" 

She gets the bill and I leave a few twenties as a tip on the table. We get in the car, and she drives, dropping me off at Badger's place. Luckily his vehicle isn't here so I can stalk off to my own car, avoiding any awkward questions. I start the car up and start to feel nervous. I drive, all the while biting my nails. I pull into the driveway, and get out. Dreading what's to come. 

I fumble with my key before finally opening the door. The house seems pretty empty. I run upstairs and quickly beging packing bags, and running them downstairs. I neglect any pictures, and any memories of Chris and I together, taking clothes, possessions and anything else meaningful to me, and only me. I have maybe one bag of stuff left, so I want to rush through it, I bend down to pull some stuff out from under the bed.

"You forgot groceries you lil slut." His voice booms from the doorway. 

I feel my back stiffen. "Chris.... Hey." 

"Don't you hey me little girl! What's all this. You leaving or something?" I can hear his steps bringing him closer. 

"I'm just, reorganizing." I stand up and face him. 

"I liked it just fine the way it was. No one told you to do anything. You ain't supposed to do shit unless I tell you to." His hand comes down on me, but this time I stand my ground. I grab the bag on the dresser, and fish the gun out from it. "Oh what? You're gonna shoot me?" He laughs, and I feel myself fill with rage. 

"Back, off Chris." I aim the gun steady, knowing exactly where I want to shoot. 

"Or what? Think I'm scared of a little girl with a gun?" 

"I said back off!" He steps towards me and I squeeze the trigger, the bullet ripping through his right shoulder, hopefully tearing the muscles. 

"You fuckin' bitch! You fuckin' shot me." He's down on the ground now, clenching his injured arm, wailing like a baby. 

I throw my final bag to the door, and try and step forward. But Chris had a hold of my ankle. 

"Please, please don't go, I'll make things better." He was sobbing like a poor kid who lost his favourite toy. 

I lean down to him and shove the gun to his knee. 

"Let go, or it'll be worse." I say with malice in my voice. He finally releases my leg and I step over him. I go downstairs and find the phone, dialing 911, before leaving. I take one last look at the place I hated, and drive away.


End file.
